A Viking Fan’s Guide to Surviving the Packers Reign


The Packers won their 4th Super Bowl on Sunday and the Vikings seem destined to wander through the wilderness for another 50 years in search of the Promised Land. It sucks, no doubt about that.

In these bleak times, it is more important than ever for us Vikings fans to stick together. On an average day Packers fans are delusional and obnoxious, but after a Super Bowl victory they become downright insufferable. It’s going to be a long year - or maybe even years, so be ready for it. Here are five tips for survival in the bleak days ahead:

1. Be ready, it’s coming.
The onslaught of gloating and mocking has begun, accept that. Denial is never a good thing.

2. Keep a your cool.
Easier said than done, I know. Resist the urge to lash out at these creatures. Not only verbally, but especially physically. An assault charge just creates sympathy for the bad guys and reflects poorly on the rest of us.

3 Maintain perspective.
Sure, their team won the Super Bowl, but we are smarter, better looking and much more sophisticated than our neighbors to the east. Have you ever been to Green Bay? It’s a post-industrial wasteland! The Twin Cities meanwhile are modern, clean and big league. People may wax nostalgic for what Green Bay represents, but nobody wants to live there. Not even the Packers players.

4. Stay on the offensive.
We’ve heard all the jokes about the Vikings empty trophy case and lack of Super Bowl rings, so those are nothing new. Use the hype machine that is the modern media to your advantage. When you see a Packer fan approaching, strike first. Ask something like “Repeat or 3peat?” Don’t let them enjoy the moment, set unrealistic expectations that will put them on the defensive: “Aaron Rodgers, great quarterback or the greatest quarterback?”; “The Packers are so young, anything less than a dynasty is a failure.”; “What are you thinking for next year, 16-0 or 15-1?” You get the idea.

5. Remember, brighter days are ahead.
OK, probably not for the Vikings, but the weather will get warmer - it has to! That means baseball season is coming. After 10 years, Miller Park is already horribly outdated and lacks atmosphere - even with the roof open, it feels like you’re inside. But, like Jay Cutler in Chicago, there’re stuck with it. In Minnesota meanwhile, we’re the proud owners of what is universally lauded as one of the top 5 parks in the country.

Besides, what do you call a Brewers fan with a World Series ring? A thief!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.